1. |
hamsandwich
04:47
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I wanna ham sandwich made with real butter, none of that fake stuff.
I wanna new carpet, one I can lie on and writhe around on.
I wanna pet gerbil, a sweet little gerbil to call my own.
I need new trousers, warm and cosy for the winter.
I wanna big hot dog dripping with mustard mixed with ketchup.
I wanna nice mansion full of servants wearing wastecoats.
I wanna red tractor with a red trailer and a nice buck-rake.
I wanna be famous like John Craven or Liza Goddard.
I wanna ham sandwich with slices of cucumber and some mayo.
I need a cool beer served in a bottle, not an old can!
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2. |
abacus
04:34
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3. |
sweet root mash
07:20
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Sweet root mash, running through the trees,
Then I see a flash in teh sky above the sea and know I've got to go.
Run along the beach, something's out of reach.
Not sure what I'm looking for but I know I've been here before...
and I'm back from more.
I think I need to dig. I think it's underground.
Sweet root mash isn't easy to be found, but that's why...
I've got to try.
Hidden in a chest, awoken from its nest.
Visiting time and I'm the special guest - for today anyway.
Something's in my way.
I don't know how to move anymore.
Something's out of reach - don't know what I'm looking for.
There's a missing piece but it isn't easy to see.
In amongst the leaves, camoflaged and hidden from me.
Somethings in my way...
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4. |
richard and caroline
03:11
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Richard and Caroline met in a field.
Both of their hearts were still sealed.
The scent of her loneliness caught on the breeze.
Richard collapsed to his knees.
He was a butcher’s boy; she was a grocer’s girl.
While he made sausages she made deliveries.
Caroline helped Richard up from his fall.
She noticed his hands were quite small.
HE saw that her ankles were perfectly formed and for the first time their hearts warmed!
Richard liked Caroline – sent her a valentine.
Asked her if she would dine on the 6th of March in ’82.
Caroline took her time, even though she was quite keen.
A cautious girl and slightly shy, she thought kissing strange men was unclean.
Richard and Caroline married at 39, in a church by the see on the 6th of March in ’93.
They like to go rambling when they get time for it.
But he works Saturdays – that’s when people like to buy their meat.
They have a Labrador that they call Jennifer.
In the field where they met Jennifer goes ‘walkies’ every day.
Jennifer goes walkies EVERY day…
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5. |
black weave shoes
05:48
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Black weave shoes – I never wore you once although you’re just my size.
Leather blues – you cost me 17 pounds back in 2005.
Such a waste – I couldn’t get with your groove after I twice changed the lace.
Suit my taste – I though you did when I tried you on but now I’ve changed face.
Black weave shoes – you’re nearly perfect but I don’t love you.
On my feet – you’ve never spent the day, I’m such a fool.
Back in school I had some like you and I loved them so.
Now I’m old my tastes have altered so you’ve got to go.
You got me with your laces, pulled me into the shoe rack.
You kicked me in the face as I tried to pull you tongue back.
I really should have guessed you were evil the day you tried to step on my toe-oh-ohs.
But I’ve not met your kind before, so how was I to know?
The moral of this story is that you shouldn’t buy stuff you don’t need.
It might come back to haunt your shallow mind and make you greedy,
So reduce, re-use-recycle, like it should say in the bible.
If some shoes in the shop window call your name and drag you in
Don’t lose your head and lose you money, for the ending won’t be funny…
…in the end.
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6. |
pet shop shame
02:46
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Stumbling through the pet shop, all I want to do is buy a gerbil.
But I can’t really see straight ‘cos I’ve been drinking beer and something purple.
I need a furry friend who’ll be with me always.
I’ll call him Desmond and buy him a nice shiny cage.
Every time I breath in my head spins and my tummy does a gurgle.
Counting out the loose change – all I see are silly silver circles!
Some coins threw themselves on the floor.
I stumbled and hunted for more.
But that’s when I started to feel like I might need to spew.
Then I was sick in the shop.
The shopkeeper gave me a mop – told me to clean up the sick…
Then leave his shop very quick.
Maybe in the morning I’ll come in disguise to buy my gerbil.
I’ll dress like a lady so he won’t suspect it’s me again.
This setback won’t keep us apart ‘cos Desmond and I share a heart.
Then we’ll be together for ever and ever until he is dead.
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7. |
kidz of 2day
05:55
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Raised on a diet of mainstream filth, a youth of today has it tough.
His expectations of life are warped. How will he know when’s enough?
‘Another day of normality – nothing happens to me!’
‘Another day of reality – not like on TV’
You’d think it’s real, but it’s not like that.
That’s what they want you to think you are into
But that’s not reality or normality.
‘Most of the people I watch each day are rich and remarkably glad.’
‘Surely someday it’ll be my turn – meantime I’ll feel rather sad.’
It’s not like on TV round here.
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8. |
in the cellar
02:41
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9. |
||||
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You climbed out of your coffin on the 15th of July in ’92.
I thought you’d want to eat my flesh and cook my major organs in a stew.
But all you really wanted was to love and care for someone like me.
I was rather frightened so I crawled away and hid behind a tree.
Your smile was spoiled by missing teeth; and in your hair was work and leaf.
But I could see that underneath it all you heart was still alive and well.
You grabbed my arm and pointed to a Ford Fiesta parked beside the tree.
We walked towards it slowly then you grinned and smashed the window with your knee.
You drove us to a nice hotel in Suffolk, then we went out for a meal.
But when I tried to kiss you both your lips fell of and landed in your veal.
Your smile was spoiled by missing teeth; and in your hair was work and leaf.
But I could see that underneath it all you heart was still alive and well.
When the clock struck midnight you began to look a little out of sorts.
You turned into and apple in a flash of smoke that made me mess my shorts.
I took you back to our hotel and wrapped you in a blanket from the bed.
I kissed your pretty stalk goodnight. ‘I’ll miss you’ were the last words that I said.
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10. |
wand
03:04
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11. |
went out
01:35
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Went out to buy petrol. All I bought was cheese.
Went out to buy petrol and some engine grease.
I never got that petrol, then the car ran out.
I walked back home with my camembert and had it with a deep fried trout.
I went out to buy apples. All I bought was gin.
Went out to buy apples and a mandolin.
I never bought those apples because I drank too quick.
I staggered home in my underpants and then I did a lot of sick.
I went out to by cat food. All I bought was fags.
Went out to by cat food and some plastic bags.
I never bought that cat food so the cat felt hurt.
He scowled at me in a horrid way and urinated on my shirt.
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12. |
swamp bacteria
09:42
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John Henderson UK
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